tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post114968004807470813..comments2023-10-23T19:11:58.475+03:00Comments on Stilettos in the Sand…...: What is “domestic help” abuseSabrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00099972141312539283noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-28039129539895422272008-07-19T00:57:00.000+03:002008-07-19T00:57:00.000+03:00I work in Bahrain, we went through this agent to e...I work in Bahrain, we went through this agent to employ a maid. I spend more 1000 dinars to get her here. Guess what? We found she had TB when she went through her medical for the residence permit. She ran away that nite, she wasn't dumb at all, she came with contact info of other Sri Lankans working here. The cops caught her after 2 days in raid for illegals. It was quite a nightmare.<BR/><BR/>She got a new maid now, "Mary" from Ethopia. So far we ahd no trouble with her.<BR/><BR/>My point is that employers r not always the reason why the maids run away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1150007107297297672006-06-11T09:25:00.000+03:002006-06-11T09:25:00.000+03:00Great post! So many people don't know what life is...Great post! So many people don't know what life is like for domestic (& other) workers in the Magic Kingdom & your entry definitely tells it like it is.Jaynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06546956519928584352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149965161111876782006-06-10T21:46:00.000+03:002006-06-10T21:46:00.000+03:00Kristine - Sadly, I have no advice for you. Howev...Kristine - Sadly, I have no advice for you. However, if you're in the Eastern Province, we can get together and have a nice iced latte at Starbucks in the Women's Section and commiserate together... I know the feeling about “mental health,” and often question my own sanity. What the HECK am I doing HERE? [There’s the phrase about the “bullshit bucket.” How full is it? Well, when the paycheck is deposited at the end of the month, the bullshit bucket doesn’t seem as full as it was… It goes something like that.] It is easy to be consumed with outrage. I, for one, have this new outlet for some of mine, and hopefully that will alleviate some of my frustration. Please, let’s hope! And as far as being a “negative Nelly” but best way to make sure you avoid becoming one is to avoid negative people at all possible costs. Maybe you won’t want to have that iced latte, after all…Sabrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00099972141312539283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149790154940004682006-06-08T21:09:00.000+03:002006-06-08T21:09:00.000+03:00I was viewing the comments in Alhamedi's last blog...I was viewing the comments in Alhamedi's last blog, and linked over to "Stilettos". Yeah!! I was so disappointed when the RP blog stopped, but now I am thrilled to find another that expresses so well the frustrations and lack of logic and personal responsibility that exist so blatantly in KSA. I will be moving back to SA this summer with my family for the 3rd time. I am so not looking forward to it, but I feel I have found another who shares my views and outrage. Any advice in maintaining one's mental health will be appreciated. I always feel such a sense of outrage and hopelessness. Not to mention THE WALLS !!!! I feel so confined and miss the simple beauty and nature of my home in the US. OK, I'm already turning into a "negative nelly". Thanks for your blog, I will be reading! Fondly, KristineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149789772864349762006-06-08T21:02:00.000+03:002006-06-08T21:02:00.000+03:00sunrunner,Ditto!sunrunner,<BR/>Ditto!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149779586099721702006-06-08T18:13:00.000+03:002006-06-08T18:13:00.000+03:00In the real world, employers hire people all the t...In the real world, employers hire people all the time who simply don't work out. You pay them, train them - its an investment of time and money and if it doesn't work out, you learn to just take your punches and write it off. Eventually you learn that sooner you cut your losses, the better (for both the employee and the employer).<BR/><BR/>I don't mean to insult you tooners, but you sound like you are speaking about a teenager. If that is how you treat her, she will likely act like one (I am not excsuing lying and stealing, but it is useful to consider that these things don't happen in a vacuum). I am assuming she is not, and that likely she comes from a household in which she has some status. There is "story" there and not an easy one, I would imagine. No one (certainly none of us who are reading this blog) would like to be in her position, living in a strange country in a strange household far from her family. So why did she do it? Certainly not because she wanted to. Many of these maids have had to leave children behind - is that true with her? <BR/><BR/>The sad truth is that no matter how well you treat her, as long as she is in your household, in effect, you "own" her. (Prissy from Gone with the Wind comes to mind.) She has no rights, no autonomy. Nothing except that which you "choose" to give her. <BR/><BR/>The problem is that this is all occuring within a system which is rotten to the core and inherently abusive, no matter how "nice" you are as an empoyer/owner. Remember the Gulf countries only recently outlawed actual slavery, and so the entire manner in which the system is set up is a mimicry of actual slavery. It is a system of bonded servitude. <BR/><BR/>My sense is that anyone who can afford a maid should be able to afford the loss if she doesn't work out. They are paid little enough that an airfare back to whereever they come from isn't really that big a deal, if you really think about it. Or as Shewolf said, pay them enough so that they can be responsible for their own airfare if it doesn't work out. <BR/><BR/>Here in the US, rich people hire nannies thruogh nanny agencies. If the nanny doesn't work out (steals, lies, etc), the agency bears the bulk of the financial responsibility. I am saying this because I think that ultimately, the slave traders - er - the agencies which recruit these maids are making out like bandits on both ends. Particularly since they charge huge fees for their "services." <BR/><BR/>Like Shewolf, I was also raised in a household with servants. They were paid weekly or bi-weekly, they had set hours, they had holidays, regular days off (in which they could do whatever the hell they wanted to). As children, we were strictly forbidden to give them "orders" or to talk balk (verbally abuse) them. They were adults in our household and we were expected to give them the same respect as any other adult. There were a few that did not work out and they were gone - one was a nanny from England and my parents paid her airfare back to the UK. Were they happy about it? No, but as their sponsor, it was their responsibility.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149755068868610862006-06-08T11:24:00.000+03:002006-06-08T11:24:00.000+03:00Tooners - I regret that maybe the way I responded ...Tooners - I regret that maybe the way I responded seemed to come off in the manner it did to you - it really wasn't my intent to make it sound like your situation could be fixed with a simple "poof." I have no idea how the whole "contract" system works for all the domestic help in the Mid-East - I only know that sending my guy back is at our discretion - and his contract clearly states that we can terminate him for a variety of misdeeds and we send him back. We pay for it. I don't think he has to go to jail first. And, hopefully he will conduct himself in such a manner that he doesn't do something outside out employ that would cause him to be thrown in jail! Not to say that it couldn't happen... And, yes, thankfully he speaks English! As far as my "kids," you and I discussed this at your comments - the dog fighting thing - that is what I am most afraid of. So, yes, I'd be out of "an animal" if he said something happened - but I'd also be out of "help." I would send him home. He has been quite trustworthy for two plus years, I hope nothing changes in this regard. I do know that a Saudi woman, here, who I've gotten to be good friends with, had a maid, signed the contract, etc., it went great for about ten days then things started happening. Too long a story to get into - and it wasn't "major" stuff happening, just little things, one after another, however, and the lies, and small things missing, etc. Security here was called, then the police, and they took the maid off to some facility downtown in Dhahran or Khobar where she stayed until she was literally escorted to the plane two days later - by my friend and her husband - and yes, they had to pay for it. I certainly was not trying to trivialize your situation, and again, not knowing how all of this works, was simply stating that if I had any control over the situation I would make it end. Not having control over the situation - well, not being in those shoes - I guess I don't know how I'd handle it - but I certainly can see how one could become "abusive" in a situation like that - the very same abuse that I am so against. And, no, but for having a weekly "housekeeper" in the states, I've never had a woman working for me in a domestic situation. Woman working for me as secretaries and administrative assistants, yes, but not as "maids." Sometimes I think a maid would be better to have than a "house assistant" and I use "house assistant," because I think that "houseboy" is just derogatory, because I don’t think you wake up one day in the country you’re from and say, “I think when I grow up I want to be a houseboy to some spoiled, bitchy American woman.” The guys, most of them, actually have skills – mechanics, carpenters, etc., and but for the fact that there is NO work in their countries, they come here as “house assistants.” Regardless, no Tooners, I am not in your same situation, I was simply stating that I’d get rid of the maid. That said, of course, I truly have no first-hand experience of the ramifications that are associated with this, it certainly sounds easy enough to do, but as with many other things here in the Middle East, what sounds simple enough isn’t always that way… Will keep my fingers crossed for you that you can somehow work it out to get household help that you will be pleased with, as I do understand that as being part of the culture and your mother-in-law insisting on this for you! At least if it’s something you have to have – and hey, I’m in no position to talk – have no intentions of giving up my household help, here! – well, let’s just hope you can get the right person to work for you and that at least if you’re not “happy” about it, there will be a middle of the road, and it will be a more livable situation. Good luck!Sabrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00099972141312539283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149749951077766472006-06-08T09:59:00.000+03:002006-06-08T09:59:00.000+03:00I often feel the same way,(visions of violence) an...I often feel the same way,(visions of violence) and I don't live in an oppressed country. What does it take for some people to open their eyes? Heaven help us, the blind are everywhere.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149749217283239402006-06-08T09:46:00.000+03:002006-06-08T09:46:00.000+03:00Thankyou Sabra, for picking up the reigns. (kust f...Thankyou Sabra, for picking up the reigns. (kust found you re Angie in comments at RP).<BR/> YOu have a way with words too. It will be great to visit.<BR/>DebAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149705419930518442006-06-07T21:36:00.000+03:002006-06-07T21:36:00.000+03:00Congrats. on a great post!Why the heck is it that ...Congrats. on a great post!<BR/>Why the heck is it that domestic workers are not paid weekly or biweekly, even on a monthly basis as they are in the 'real'world? This is something I cannot understand, these people once in Saudi employ are, want it or not like all expats., sort of captive of a medieval system, so what gives? Why is it not possible to pay them their wages as is done elsewhere? Or is it that most Saudis thinking themselves entitled no matter their purchasing power, so that they blightly hire with the criminal intent to defraud? I like you am enraged by this!!!<BR/>And what of this exit plane ticket that must be purchase by people like this b...h who complains about it? I must be real thick, i just do not get it: I was raise with servants in my home and can tell you that my parents paid wages weekly with bonuses at holidays and birthdays, and never paid for traveling expenses of their employees. The idea is that you accept to come and work for me, you make your own way. As to the ruaways, where the bloody hell are they running to??? Saudi is not a place you can escape from without money & passport. So from what I get here there is actually bunches f street people?.?.? Hard to imagine with Muttawa Inc. constantly trolling for someone to abuse??? <BR/>And what is this, saudi housewifes making pocket money with a side business 'rent my maid'?<BR/>Too too disgusting...<BR/>And Sabra,<BR/>Think voodoo, that would probably work even from the confines of the gilded cage: nice little wax dollies stuffed with a couple of hair from the head of any Saudi b...h, a box of sewing pins and a nice set of knitting needles...I leave the rest to your creative imagination.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149694149191197972006-06-07T18:29:00.000+03:002006-06-07T18:29:00.000+03:00Well, I just wrote a huge response but it "poofed"...Well, I just wrote a huge response but it "poofed" away...<BR/><BR/>Anyway... you are in your own world there. You get things a certain way because of where you live and the situation you are in.<BR/><BR/>My father-in-law owns the business that provides housemaids and he provided ours. We have stated many times that we want to get rid of her and it is supposed to be in the works. Her contract is up at the end of this year and I DO NOT want to keep her until then, we have stated this many times. Housemaids in Bahrain sign two year contracts, not one.<BR/><BR/>My situation is different than yours and it's just not as easy as you try to portray it, and there are many situations out there that you haven't seen and are unaware of.<BR/><BR/>I have told my housemaid if anything happens to my cats there will be trouble. But, let me ask you this, what do you truly believe will happen to the "house assistant" if something were to happen? You think the authorities would put him in jail? They might for a month and then they'd deport him. What if he tells you he doesn't know what happened? What then? The animal is gone and what are you left with?<BR/><BR/>Oh yeah... your "house assistant" speaks English, right? Mine doesn't. Our housemaid portrayed herself much as a dear sweet girl when she first started working for us, but... funny how things change when you are given such luxuries and afforded what other housemaids are not. <BR/><BR/>Have you ever had a female working for you? <BR/><BR/>Things are not as easy as "poof". It bothers me that you say it so matter of factly and nonchalantly. <BR/><BR/>I did do all of my own housework, both when we were living w/ his family and now in our house. But his mother, my mother-in-law, insisted that we get a housemaid. I still do all the cooking and the laundry. W/ his mother, there was no room for the word "no" when it came to getting one. <BR/><BR/>And.. remember, I am married to a Bahraini, you are not.<BR/><BR/>I am emersed in this culture... I see things that you do not see. I see both good and bad. I've seen what these girls are like - the housemaids - both good and bad. <BR/><BR/>Anyway... things are not the same in the States... I've stated this many times on my blog, and have talked about housemaids and workers being abused. W/out a doubt it's happening and w/out a doubt ppl believe they own these ppl. And that isn't right. The abuse isn't right. They talk about change here... hopefully, altho I doubt it... it will change. But in saying this, there are those out there that will NEVER change.. not matter what.Um Naiefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03079700156633283396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149692932736989662006-06-07T18:08:00.000+03:002006-06-07T18:08:00.000+03:00Brava Sabra!!!!You hit a home run with this one.Brava Sabra!!!!<BR/><BR/>You hit a home run with this one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149690707147468292006-06-07T17:31:00.000+03:002006-06-07T17:31:00.000+03:00Tooners - Just curious, then, why do you keep her?...Tooners - Just curious, then, why do you keep her? When her year / contract is up, ship her home! I'm sure there are bad "maidservants." No doubt. I know I have a "house assistant" [man] who I pay very, very well, try not to "micro manage," and that I we are very generous with time off, etc. If I ever thought he was lying to me - poof - gone - if he ever took anything from me - poof - gone - and I have made it very, very clear that if he ever wants to see his eight year old son at home in the Philappines, then NOTHING will happen to Spencer or Shasta. I would not even accept "natural death" from him as an excuse. No way.<BR/><BR/>I guess the point of my comments, however, is that far too often the help is abused, that people here do think its a "right" not a privilege to have help, and they do not treat the help well at all - and I'd say this is more the norm than not. You are an American girl - and you know that no where else in the world - well, okay - just not our part of the world - do people have domestic help like they do here.<BR/><BR/>Sorry, Tooners, but if I had the maid you had and was having such problems I'd be cleaning my own house until I could get a new one. How can you stand it???Sabrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00099972141312539283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29282508.post-1149685221476677852006-06-07T16:00:00.000+03:002006-06-07T16:00:00.000+03:00Well... the housemaid situation is not good anywhe...Well... the housemaid situation is not good anywhere in the Gulf, I don't think. We have a housemaid and we've had probs w/ her. We pay her a good salary, she gets all the food she wants, I've given her clothes and I buy her things, she has a TV, a dvd player and cable. She also has a huge room w/ a private bathroom in the house. But... even w/ this, she still causes problems. So... not all housemaids are good. She doesn't listen to me, she moves things around even after I've told her not to, she lies, and several of our animals have died and/or gotten sick since her employment. I could tell you soooo much more, but I won't right now. Maybe in a blog sometime. <BR/><BR/>I do agree tho... many ppl shouldn't have housemaids, but most everyone feels like they deserve one or two or three. Almost everyone here in Bahrain has a housemaid - even when they're poor. I disagree w/ this.<BR/><BR/>I have also seen abuse first hand of housemaids and/or other staff and completely disagree w/ this. I have been encouraged to abuse ours.. but I would never do that. <BR/><BR/>But... anyway.. my point being that there is a middle to all of this because I have seen both sides and am living w/ a girl that I think isn't on the up and up.Um Naiefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03079700156633283396noreply@blogger.com