The Dreaded Saudi Spread

They say it happens to everyone – well – every woman, that is. You come to this part of the world, you have a whole new lifestyle, and you are going to gain weight. They tell you twenty pounds. I thought I was immune. It didn’t happen the first year, and it didn’t happen the second year. But this past year…

I know how it happens. Wearing an abeyah is not conducive to keeping a “trim” figure. You’ve got a damn tent on – it is free flowing and loose – underneath you can wear whatever you want – bike shorts, sweat pants – comfortable clothes. You never even realize that you’re adding additional pounds and inches to your frame until it is too late and they are both firmly – or not so firmly – as the case may be, affixed to your tummy, butt and thighs…

The lifestyle differences between here and “there” do not work in your favor. If you worked before – and thus expended hundreds of calories running around like a maniac doing the nine to five thing, along with taking care of your house, doing your own errands, cooking, laundry, etc., you probably aren’t doing that any longer. Oh, sure a few of the “wives” work, mostly part-time, what they call “casual” employment. Very, very few married women – who are not local – have a full-time job where I am.

It is more likely than not, that not only are you not working, but you are not cleaning your own house. I do not know anyone that doesn’t have household help – no one! I know I’ve not plugged our vacuum in since August of 2003. I’m not quite sure where our vacuum is kept at this point. I know we have one, we brought it with us, and I hear it every day, I just don’t know where it is. I’ve not even considered cleaning a bathroom, and we have three. This is another one of those “things” I’ll never quite understand here – we’ve got a small townhouse – it is just my husband and me, and of course, the two four legged “kids,” but we have three full bathrooms. Why? [For when you are entertaining twenty people – this way, there’s never a line? I don’t know. Just a guess.] I didn’t have that many full bathrooms in our house in the States and that had four bedrooms! Thank goodness. I mean, really, who wants to be cleaning all those bathrooms. Not me.

Here, you spend a great deal of time entertaining – or if you aren’t entertaining – you are being entertained. And in this regard, everyone tries to “one up” the other by going all out. It’s not like we didn’t entertain in the States, we did, but not nearly to the extent that we do here. I mean, really, what else are you going to do with all your free time? It’s not as if you can go to the movies – there are no movie theaters in The Kingdom. You certainly can’t go out to a nightclub dancing and drinking. There are none of those, here, either. [Any dancing lessons offered, privately, are called “Rhythmic Motion” or “Team Exercise” classes.] And, I mean entertaining to the extent that women get together in large groups for sit-down breakfasts! I haven’t actually hosted one of these, but I know my time is coming. I’ve been invited to far too many to not have one, so I guess, one of these days, soon… I’ve done brunch – doesn’t that count?

The “good dishes” that I used to use, which were perfect in the States for crowds of twelve or less, are now our everyday dishes, because here, I needed service for twenty. Yes, you entertain, and if you’re going to do it, you may as well do a crowd. And, besides, you have your household help to help you prepare, help you serve, and then clean up. Entertaining here in The Kingdom is a breeze! It is never just a “come for burgers on the grill,” type of situation. Oh, sure, you can do the “burgers on the grill,” but along with that you need barbequed chicken, a tray of some pasta – may as well make it stuffed shells or something equally yummy and caloric – salad, yes, and always more than one – an assortment of different vegetables – and desert. What meal is complete without desert? [I only just got off the phone, minutes ago, after deciding that the “entertainment” this coming Thursday evening will take place at our house. I’ll let you know what the menu is as soon as I’ve decided…]

It is truly serious entertaining on a very, very regular basis. Count on being invited somewhere at least once, and usually twice, a week – which means that you must then reciprocate [and I am, on Thursday]. I don’t have a problem with this, really, in that it is social, and it is fun, but geez… It becomes a never-ending cycle, and it really is just another full, sit-down meal of roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, sunshine carrots [umm, really, really good!], and chocolate cake. I may as well just cut slits in my hips and put a slice of lemon pound cake in each!

It’s easier to keep the additional inches from accumulating in the winter. You can be outside. It is most pleasant then, weather-wise. It is over a hundred degrees every day now, and up until this past week, the humidity made it almost unbearable to be outside. Thankfully the humidity has subsided and it is much, much nicer out, but still, it is pushing a hundred degrees by nine o’clock every morning. It will get much warmer, much, much warmer… Hardly weather that makes you want to grab your tennis racquet and head for the courts, or lace up those running shoes. I have a hard enough time dragging myself outside at 5:30 in the morning to walk the “kids” for an hour. And it has to be done then – or it’s just too damn hot for all of us! Today we actually left earlier than that. It is starting to get light outside much earlier, and in the next couple of weeks, the sun will rise around 4:30AM. You may as well get up and take advantage of that short opportunity when you can be outside or it will pass by you and you will be inside, in the air-conditioning either entertaining, or preparing to entertain.

So, now, I’m faced with either losing twenty pounds in three and a half weeks, before we go on vacation, again, or wearing my abeyah as I traipse through Savannah, Buffalo, Washington and Raleigh... Choices. Life is all about choices. There’s “Atkins,” and there’s liposuction. Hmmm…