More than One Wife

I know a Western man, here in The Kingdom, that thinks it is funny to joke with his wife about how he’ll just find another one [wife] if she doesn’t reorganize his sock drawer, or iron his collars both on the top and bottom, and then with the proper “crease” along the top – where it folds over, or ________ [fill in the blank with some other trivial tidbit]. The wife of this particular man has no problem holding her own and responds, “Honey, you can’t handle the one you have now, how will you ever handle two?” And, better, “Go ahead and find another wife. I could use a ‘good wife’ around here, too. I hope she likes to cook a whole lot more than I do.” It will never happen – this Western man taking on another wife. Oh, sure, it’s good for the occasional chuckle, but that is where it ends. And, besides, not only can “this” Western man barely handle the “one” wife he has, I’m pretty certain he can’t afford two wives.

His current wife has an extensive shoe collection and she is constantly, always on the look-out for others to add to it; she is also a “clothes horse” [the meaning of which is here, dictionary]. But even worse, for him - better, for her, over the years, this wife has developed an acute ability to walk into a shop – any shop – clothing, “kids” toy stores, house wears, furniture – and immediately gravitate to the most expensive item without ever even looking at the price tag. It’s just “exquisite” taste. However, that isn’t really the point I’m trying to make. This is the point: Since Islam dictates that each wife MUST be treated equally, that would mean that if the first wife bought shoes then the second wife would get a pair. Nope, with a decree like that – that it must be equal – the Western man I know won’t be taking on a second wife. And, this is purely from a financial aspect, forget about the rest of it – sharing your time equally among your wives, etc. [Oh, stop it you guys. You’re not all as studly as you think you are, and unless you have a prescription for those little blue pills, there’s no way you are going to be able to keep up with all those wives!]

Which brings us to "this stud" – umm, yeah. You THE man! It isn’t the first time we’ve seen articles that [old] men are taking [young] wives for the umpteenth time. This man wanted a fifth wife who can cook [didn’t I already say that I wanted one of these, too? Well, a second one, not a fifth one, anyway…]. And, this man has had so many wives he can’t remember their names [sad, if you ask me]. This guy got really lucky! One of his wives gave him another wife as a gift. [Just how do you wrap this up? Oh, my gosh! As this flashed through my mind – I got this mental picture of simply gathering up all the loose black material at one end, the bottom, and tying a ribbon around it. Ditto for the top. Oh, yes, by all means, choose a contrasting color – a bright, vivid color like fuchsia or teal would be a must! With a really BIG bow! Problem solved. {You did not know that this newbie blogger had a Martha Stewart-streak in her, did you… Yeah, well, neither did she.} Now that we all know how we would wrap this kind of present, fret no more ladies! When that next special gift-giving occasion rolls around and you’re at a loss to find the perfect present for your husband… Get him another wife! No need looking for a box to wrap it her - you probably won’t be able to find a box – you never can when you need one [or find the scotch tape, for that matter]. I have just graciously shared this “how to” with you – how to put a bow on a “wife” when you are giving one as a gift. You’re welcome!] And, this guy, who’s married some fifty-something times, has divorced almost as many times. [In skimming these articles, did any one happen to notice a pattern in line with the number fifty? Must be something to that “magic number.”] Multiple marriages. You get the idea. Lest you think that this really is the “norm,” here in Saudi, there are some sane, rational men out there. I do actually rather like this man, Tariq Al-Maeena, purely from an intellectual standpoint, mind you, and I tend to agree with his viewpoints more often than not. And, finally, I’m pretty sure this is highly illegal in ALL states – regardless of whether or not she’s your cousin, and I don’t think any joke would be funny if it involved marrying a ten year-old! The mother says she was shocked! Just shocked! Ahh, “Umm Bint,” [“mother of girl” in Arabic] were you in a coma when your TEN YEAR OLD got married the first time?!? I can think of a reaction but it is not shock. It. Is. Sick!