Lizard in the Bedroom

The Boy, our Great Dane, is a world champion lizard chaser. He’s only caught one, ever, so he’s not much of a catcher – just a chaser. The lizards are much faster, and probably much smarter. All but for the one he caught – and that lizard lost its little tail – but the lizard didn’t leave. He continued to live out back, to taunt The Boy every chance he could possibly get.

Last night, I was sitting at the computer, and I kept hearing this “whack!” “thwap!” noise. Each time I would get up to go see what it was, I’d see The Boy – just standing on the bed – and I figured, okay, he must have lost a chewy or a ball down in between the mattress and the headboard. Geez, I hope he’s not scratching the headboard and that that is what that noise is. This went on for about ten or fifteen minutes. I’d hear the “whack!” “thwap!” and get up to go check it out. Each time – nothing – just The Boy standing on the bed.

Again, “whack!” “thwap! THUUDDD!” and I go to see – and there he is, The Boy, who must have been standing on the nightstand – no small dog – he’s a Great Dane – is caught with his right front leg and rear leg BEHIND the nightstand, his body in a rather sideways position semi-on top of the nightstand with his head down on the side of the nightstand stuck next to the wall. Oh, my gosh! What in the world are you doing?!? I help him – free him from an almost impossible position and spot – without hurting him – and what does he do? The Boy jumps back up on the bed to try this again! And that’s when I see it. There is a baby lizard on the wall – up high – a teeny, tiny little gecko lizard, all of about two inches long. It is driving The Boy absolutely crazy, and he is bound and determined to get it, no matter what furniture he destroys doing so, or how many broken bones he might end up with. [That he didn’t break something when he fell off / onto / behind the nightstand is nothing short of a miracle! And, the nightstand is still intact as well. Note to self: Write to the furniture company, tell them how strong their stuff really is. Another note to self: Start wearing camera around neck to have readily available at all times, and especially for Kodak moments like this one!]

Great. Now what am I going to do? How do you catch a lizard? And, oh, my, I’m not actually going to touch it! I can’t! I’m close to petrified of creep crawly things, and I realize it’s only a baby lizard, and I don’t think they bite, do they? It’s only nine-thirty. Call the neighbor. I’ll have him come and take care of this. I dial the phone. No answer. Try again. No answer. Okay, leave a message this time… But, now I’ve got to stand here and watch this lizard until he calls me back – what if he’s not home until midnight? I can’t possibly sleep in this room with this lizard in here! What to do, what to do… I grab a newspaper, fold it in an “L” shape, open the sliding door just a couple inches, and am able to nudge the poor little creature outside. Phew. Call the neighbor back, leave another message. No worry. I took care of the lizard.

The Boy is still standing there, just giving me this look that says, “Well, good job. Now you’ve ruined my night.” He was going to get that lizard! “You almost got it. You’re a Good Boy. And, you’re a really, really good Lizard Chaser. Good Boy.”