One of These Things Does Not Belong...

[Photo of Maxim Editor swiped from boudicabpi's place.]

[Photo of Time Editor swiped from boudicabpi's place.]

As a child, didn't everyone play the game, "One of these things does not belong..." There would be four things and you had to circle the one that didn't fit in the group. It was pretty simple, really. For example if there were a chair, a table, a bed and a cow in one group - the cow would be the "thing" that did not belong. A more difficult one might be a banana, an apple, a strawberry and a carrot. The carrot does not belong because it is a vegetable and not a fruit.

I find Maxim's list of the 100 most beautiful women to be a game of "one of these things does not belong." Are the judges for this totally blind?!? They can't be. They picked Megan Fox. She's a beauty! Thanks to "Anonymous M" and "Anonymous," I was able to find out who all was on the list. I have no idea who most of the women on it are. I know who five out of the top ten are:

Olivia Wilde came in at the number one spot. No clue who she is. Googled her. She is pretty, but in my opinion she should not be at the top of the list in the number one spot.

Megan Fox is the number two spot. The woman is beautiful. I hate her.

As is Bar Refaeli, who is the number three spot. I hate her, too.

The number four spot, Malin Akerman - another stunning beauty - who I had to google to find out who she was.

Mila Kunis, number five, I recognized from "That 70's Show." She is beautiful.

Number six, Eliza Dushku is pretty - but did she deserve a top ten spot? Not in my opinion. I had to google her, too.

Adriana Lima, who came in at number seven, is drop dead gorgeous. Of course I had no clue who she was...

I think most people know who Rihanna is. She is number eight on the list. She deserves to be on the list; there is something uniquely beautiful about her.

Number nine is Jordana Brewster. I have never heard of her. She is kind of pretty in a plain Jane kind of way, but top ten beautiful? Nah.

How Jennifer Love Hewitt made it at number ten on the list is beyond me. She is pretty, I guess, but she certainly isn't "all that." I know people will disagree - she seems to have a quite a following. I guess you either think she's "all that," or you don't.

Skipping over the "middle" eighty women... Many of them, but for the obvious ones, i.e., Britney Spears [she's number 17? I must be one of the only women in the world who doesn't see her beauty], Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, Beyonce, Siena Miller, Kim Kardashian, Heidi Klum... I have never heard of.

Now. The bottom 100 places on the list. [Again, many thanks to "Anonymous M" for sending the list to me!]

Number 91 is Chelsea Handler. Never heard of her. Cute though, in a "girl next store" kind of way.

Number 92 is Joanna Krupa. Never heard of her, either. Pretty enough, I guess.

Another name I had to google, Yvonne Strahovski. Pretty in a plain way. Gorgeous? I think Kate Hudson should have been on the list somewhere as she is much prettier than Yvonne - who came in at number 94.

Padma Lakshmi. Number 95. Who? Yeah. Never heard of her. Doesn't belong on the list, in my opinion. She certainly isn't ugly, but...

Olivia Munn is pretty, again, in a plain way. Didn't have a clue who she was. She is number 96 on the list.

Marisa Tomei came in at number 97. There is something about her. [Absolutely luved her in "My Cousin Vinny."]

Rebecca Mader only took 98th place on the list? She is much prettier than, say, Emma Watson [#82]. If it wasn't for "Lost," I wouldn't have known who she was, though.

Never heard of number 99, Melissa Rycroft.

Ditto for number 100, Deanna Russo.

But number 93. Oh my gosh. What an insult to beautiful women around the world. Makes me want to gag! She actually makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth every time I see her. And these pictures are going to solve that binge and purge problem I have. I can binge, but have never quite gotten the whole purge down. Until now:

Don't tell me the wide-ass fist-thumping lout hasn't had some plastic surgery. Nose job and bottom lip reduction. Can't say that I blame her. Must have been something she had done when she had that cushy no-show-job at the hospital in Chicago. We all know she didn't have anything to contribute there, and only got the job [and the raise] in the "pay to play" farce the jeja was involved with at the time. She may as well have at least done something worthwhile with her time at the hospital. Plastic surgery. Probably for free, or at the expense of tax payers. Whatever.

Honestly, I don't care that she's had some work done [although she could get a whole lot more done and it still wouldn't make her pretty]. This year I'm going to have some work done, too. But for goodness sake, this female behemoth Sasquatch [is that an insult? If so, my apologies to Sasquatch!] is NOT one of the 100 most beautiful women in the United States of America, or anywhere else in the entire world for that matter. Either inside or out. Bottom 100 of the most fugly list, for sure. Just calling a spade a spade. That's all. Get your dayum heads out of your rectums Maxim publishers [and Time, too!] and start giving the rest of the world some unbiased men's stories or some actual unbiased news reporting. We don't need this kind of crap shoved down our throats 24/7/365 for the next 4 1/2 years...

When the poo-poo finally hits the fan, due to the sham going on right now with jeja and his wide-ass fist-thumping lout other half sitting in the highest possible office in the United States of America [provided he doesn't bring the U.S. of A. to her knees beforehand - and at the rate things are going...], it is gonna be big. I am so just looking forward to making popcorn and sitting back to watch the show.

Now. One of these things does not belong. Which one:

#1
#2
#3
#4
If you picked #2, you win. Tell me with a straight face, and without lying, that there is ANYTHING pretty about that! I. Don't. Think. So. Downright freakin' scary is what it is!!!