Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Stolen Divorce Agreement

A great letter that I "borrowed" from a commenter [iamsaved] at Michelle Malkin's place:


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and whoever else you want and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to all the rest including Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


John J. Wall Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

So worth sharing. Even if it has absolutely NOTHING to do with living in the Middle East or in The Sandbox. At some point, though, we will be returning home, to the United States. I want to be able to return to the "right" half.

[I did make a couple of little edits to the original version. Had to... My apologies to the author for doing so.]


  1. I have no problem with any of that except for the "healthcare is a luxery and not a right"...which highlights the fact that so many americans cannot afford the astronomical costs of healthcare and considering we are a Superpower nation with supposedly superior everything...that just sucks the big one!!!

  2. If everyone on "our side" is working, Coolred38, health care will be affordable. It will all work out. What is NOT going to work out, however, is what is being proposed by the "other side." It is going to ruin the United States of America as we know it. We will become a near-third-world country going down the slippery slope we are barreling down.

  3. Love it!

    I may "borrow" it myself....

  4. You may want to "borrow" it from Michelle, Janice. She has the original version. I had to change the one I posted here. Read hers. You'll see why.

  5. Off to compare versions - yours is definitely a lift worthy piece, Miss Sabra!

  6. I can only take credit for sharing it, DL. The real credit goes to the original author for putting it out there in clearly defined "black and white" terms.

  7. Hmm... a veritable bee's hive, your american issues; liberalists v/s hardliners; gunlovers vs peace lovers. people who were ready to die happy seeing Obama elected vs people now calling him a socialist.

    However, i do find this a bit too harsh. Wasn't Bush exactly that type of a guy? We have what we need, we do what we want, f**k all of you! Making that system survive 8 years was problem enough, let alone 15 years!

    I still sometimes wish Bush could have been elected for a 3rd term. Would have been time enough to impeach him that way things were going!

    *btw, just curious. Who would have you voted for?

    -TFK (further rant here)

  8. We can agree to disagree, farkknight, but no, President Bush was not that "type of guy." Not at all, as far as I'm concerned. Not going to say that there were not some problems with his two terms, but the magnitude and depth of the slippery as butter slope that the current one-term-imposter is marching us straight into PALES in comparison. Impeach President Bush for what? And don't even say war crimes; I don't buy it. We could do tit-for-tat and look at the newbie's record so far in that regard - you know, as recently as a few days ago in Afghanistan. I'll be happy with impeaching the current Commander Zero and I do believe American's are going to stand up and say - BEFORE his term is up - that we have had enough and we are NOT going to take it any more!

    [Quite frankly, time to do away with the entire bunch of our representatives in Washington. There is only a select handful - very select and very few - that are worth holding on to. Most of 'em should have been thrown out on their behinds eons ago.]

    Care to guess which way I vote?

    Like I said, we can agree to disagree.

    This "forum" is open to hearing both sides of almost any issue, provided that it is done relatively civilly...

  9. Hmmm... I do agree with you on the current path's 'doominess'. And I do agree with you that both are bad & we've already disagreed on who is worse.

    Solving endless spending by giving more money to spend. Weird! I recall a comment by some senator on the finance committee actually arguing the interest %age of short term credit loans to individuals. I guess he still hasn't realized what'd actually caused the problem in the first place.

    Also, I wholeheartedly support your idea of a clean slate. Not only is the thought refreshing, but Tom Clancy has followed the idea to some extent in "Executive Orders" and its prequel (ironically, a plane crashes into a joint session of the Congress, killing almost everyone. A good read). Reading your comment gave me deja vu! :)

    Civility is mine middle name Ma'am! :)



  10. I haven't read anything by Tom Clancy in a long time, farkknight. I rarely - rarely - read fiction. Might be worth trying to check out of the library though and have for a day or two outside "working."

    I hope you do not think that I was implying that you were not being civil. You most certainly were. The point I was trying to make was that I was welcome to differing opinions and anyone can comment and disagree with me - I do not expect the entire world to agree with me all of the time [everyone should, but...] - and that as long as comments, from whoever, were civil no matter what the view or side, they would be posted, here.

  11. Nope, I don't think you were implying anything. As for wanting the whole world to agree with oneself, haha, welcome to the club! :)




Site Meter